How Much I Love You
by purplecrown14
Summary: Oneshot. What does harry do when he finds out his one and only love is dead? Warnings: Self-harm and language.


Harry stumbled around his room, searching. Draco was dead, gone, taken from him forever. Sobs escaped his throat as the black hair man reached into his pocket and pulled out a blade. Silver met the dull light with a shimmer a it was lowered to the wrist of the Savior. Finally Harry found what he was looking for, a picture of his beloved Draco. In this picture, Draco was smiling; eyes slightly scrunched but beaming, full of love. His hair gleamed from the midday light and the picture Draco raised a hand to wave at an unseen figure behind the camera.

Harry remembered the day well. They had just had their fifth year anniversary and were going to spend the day with the Weasley's at Shell Cottage. It was the day Fluer had given birth to a baby girl. That day had been beautiful, ending with passionate love making in the guest room and coating Draco with chocolate from head to toe for him to lick off.

Harry swiped the blade, cutting deeply into his left wrist and watched as the blood streamed down his arm and pooled at his elbow, dripping onto the floor. The pain was immense, but reassuring; he would soon join his lover in the land of the Hades. The room began to fade, objected running into each other, borders unclear. Harry took one more look at the picture in his hand and closed his eyes, giving himself up to the black that had been threatening to swallow him whole. "Draco…" he whispered, and then he collapsed.

"Wake up, you fucking idiot! Why the fuck did you do something so incredibly stupid. It was a fucking set up; I'm not really dead. Fucking hell…" harry couldn't understand the voice any more. He didn't want to. Why was he still alive? Why wasn't he with Draco? What the fuck? But the voice was saying things again and Harry was forced to listen, "… Please don't leave me, please, I need you, I love you, I fucking love you, you dumb imbecile, come one, listen to me, come back, I need you…" The voice turned into sobs, Harry didn't understand.

"Come on, son, leave Harry alone, you look like hell, go get something to eat or drink or lie down." A new sound reached Harry's questioning ears. He heard sounds of doors and footsteps and crying but nothing registered.

"Ohmigod, Harry!"

"Mate, wake up!"

"Harry, dear, why?"

It hurt, all these voices, Harry just wanted to sleep, to escape, to be free. He wanted to be with Draco, why wasn't he dead? He wanted to close his ears and drift, but hands where on him, poking, nudging, petting, but they weren't Draco's hands. They were foreign, unwanted, unneeded but the green eyed man who suddenly became very aware of the rough mattress below him. Where the hell was he?

"Harry, Harry, Harry" he voices all mixed together. Harry found his arms and placed them over his ears. Cords were attached to them, but all he wanted was quiet.

"He moved! OHMIGOD! Someone press the button…" A new set of footsteps, a door banged against something.

"OUT! Everybody out, someone get Mr. Malfoy." Harry didn't understand. Draco was dead, unless the voice meant Lucius Malfoy. _No, I don't want to talk to him; he murdered Draco!_ Harry tried to say, but to no avail.

A door opened again, only one set of footsteps this time. Harry let his ears go, but couldn't find his eyes, let alone open them.

"Mr. Malfoy, I believe he is awake. I will allow you to try to get him to open his eyes for five minutes before I will be forced to throw all of you out of my hospital until tomorrow." Hospital, wait what? No. He wanted to die, not be cared for.

"Harry" It was a male voice, Harry could now tell. It sounded very familiar, like Draco. No, don't think that, Draco is dead, forever. "Wake up, please I need you." Sobs encased Harry's ears once more and he struggled to hind is eyes. Suddenly the wails stopped. Harry tried again, his eyelids fluttered and then opened.

Everything was blurred, the white walls, the medical equipment, a tall man next to him. Harry blinked, again and again. This had to be fake. Maybe he was really dead because Draco Lucius Malfoy was the tall man standing next to him, beautiful blue grey eyes red and puffy, clothes rumpled and silvery blond hair a mess.

"What… the… fuck?" Harry mouthed, his voice not working properly yet.

"YOU IDIOT! WHY WOUOLD YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF? I AM ALIVE, GOD, HARRY, WHY? I ALMOST FUCKING LOST YOU 'CUZ YOU WOULDN'T PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" Draco took a deep breath, trying to gain some sort of self-control and lowered his voice, "Harry, why? Why would you try to kill yourself? You knew the plan was for me to fake my own death and then you would use it as a way to get to and kill Voldemort. That was the fucking plan, goddamnit. I wasn't really dead. And then you went and tried to KILL yourself. Are you MENTAL? Do you have any idea what you've caused me? Now we need a new plan and you're in the fucking hospital. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?"

All Harry could do was stare at the man in front of him. Tears welled up un his eyes and fell freely onto the blue sheets around his stomach.

"Oh, Harry, did you really think I was dead?" Draco's voice was a whisper and all Harry could do was nod. "Oh, god, Harry, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but never, ever do something like that again. Ever. Do you hear me? I love you and I don't want you to get hurt. And even if I was dead, I would have wanted you to move on and live."

Harry forced his voice box to work, "I… love… you, too… Draco Malfoy." Harry smiled. Draco's eyes suddenly had a glint in them that Harry had not seen in ages. He leaned down and pressed a finger on Harry's chin, forcing it upward. He moved closer, his red perfect lips parted slightly and then Harry was home.

Their lips moved together in harmony, tongues battling in an unwinnable war. Harry brought his right hand up to stroke Draco's cheeks and Draco clutched Harry's hair and neck and pulled him impossibly closer.

This was heaven. Being with Draco, touching him, holding him, marking him.

There was nothing without Draco but with him, endless possibilities flooded back to Harry's imagination. Draco was the reason he lived, the reason he would have died, the reason he was going to kill Voldemort and the reason he was going to live a peaceful life on some soft-sanded beach where the water was clear as the sky. Draco Malfoy was the reason he had become friends with Ron and Hermione, the reason he aced his NEWTS. (blow jobs under the desk with an invisibly cloak, whispering answers), the reason he had moved past Sirius', Dobby's, Mad-Eye Moody's, and Hedwig's death. Without Draco Malfoy, Harry would have just faded into the background, even with his "golden boy" status. He was the reason Harry was not alone and unloved.

Harry melted into Draco's touch and felt whole. This was where he belonged, forever.


End file.
